July 22, 2008

The last place she was herself...

Thanks to my lovely cousin who programmed my DVR to record Army Wives each week, I have now become addicted to the show. It's like Oprah- you almost always end up crying. In the season premiere, a suicide bomber walked into a popular hangout/bar in town and blew himself up, killing several civilians, one of which was a high-ranking officer's daughter.

Since it's called Army Wives, of course it follows the women, and each week there's been something heartwrenching with the mother of that particular girl. How she's dealing with her grief, how she interacts with her other daughter, and her using her experience to help other people in the same situation.

Last night, the bar that was bombed re-opened, and her struggle was whether or not to go to the grand opening. She had a conversation with a man who lost his son in Iraq, and he said he wanted to go there, so that he could stand in the last place that his son was himself. Her daughter begged her to go to the grand opening and she finally gave in. Just seeing their reactions to walking in that place for the first time brought up a lot of emotions for me.

On the 4th of July, we made the trip down to the bay; it was Bean's first time, and I hadn't been for the 4th in several years. But the last time I was at the bay, Donna was very sick. It was the worst I'd seen her. She just sat in a chair and couldn't move or she would throw up. We tried for hours to get her to eat, but every time she did, she would throw it up. Finally we got her to eat some canned peaches, cut really small like baby food.

Later that day, we played some card game and she beat all of us. I remember her smiling because we teased her about knowing all of the tricks and we had no chance of winning. That's also when we saw the banner that her students had drawn for her and one kid wrote, "Cancer is a douche-bag!" and drew a panda underneath.

On our drive down this year, as I started to recognize the roads, I kept picturing her there on the lawn with everyone else. I was nervous because I didn't know if I would know many people there, and reassured myself that I would find her and it would be ok. Then I remembered.

The whole time we were there, I pictured her in the little screened-in area with the desserts, sitting on a chair outside, swinging in the hammocks on the pier, driving that little boat around, wearing her black one-piece bathing suit, those pink and green speckled glasses, sitting on the huge rocks as a kid and talking girl talk, those huge t-shirts made of recycled cotton, shooting fireworks on the lawn with the guys, playing bartender as kids but not drinking anything, sleeping on the twin beds all in one room, swimming in the brown water, and screaming insanely while playing Catch Phrase. I'd never been to that place without her.

Then I thought about what other places I have left to visit that I'd been with her. I've already been to her house, when we went for Christmas brunch with her mom. I've already been on the streets of Houston where we went bridesmaid dress shopping, already seen all of the places like Donut World and the high school, and even just our neighborhood.

The only place left is Austin. Specifically Amy's Icecream. Both times I visited her in Austin during school we went there. She introduced me to it. What's interesting about Amy's is that the last time I saw her in Austin, we stopped at Amy's to get icecream, because we got in a little earlier than I told her we would be. When we walked in, I felt guilty for not calling her because I knew she was always up for icecream. So I took out my phone and as it started ringing, the girl in front of me in line took out her phone. It was her!! We'd been standing behind her in line for several minutes and had no idea! I told myself I should have just looked at the back of her leg and if I saw her birthmark, I would have known.

I'm hoping to save my first visit to Amy's for awhile. I have so many fun memories of that city with Donna that I don't want to use them up just yet.
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