October 30, 2011

Burnout

I was reading the latest issue of Oprah magzine, and there was an article on Burnout. Apparently it's a real issue that can feel a lot like depression. So I decided to take a quiz online. Here's what I got, a score of 24:

If you scored between 14 and 28: Burnout Alert.


Time to make a few changes. You may still be making a living, but you're starting to lose your life. Your energy is low, you're emotionally overwhelmed, your relationships are beginning to suffer, and you may even be losing confidence in your abilities. You may have heard this before, but that's because it's true: Your best work comes when you back off and take time to recharge.

The quiz then recommends setting aside 1 hour each day to do something fun like exercise, read, relax. And I'm supposed to do that when?? Starting tomorrow I'll be working 7am-6pm for 3 days in a row. It's Inventory, so it's non-negotiable. And I'm off next weekend and going on a road trip so I have to get my hours in. When I get home, I have about 2 hours to sit down before going to sleep to get in my 8 hours. Which doesn't feel like enough.

Here are some of the symptoms the article lists for the stages of burnout:

Driven

You're working flat-out, in a nonstop blur of accomplishment. You feel you can go on like this forever! You can't!
Draggin

You're sucking up sugar and caffeine to fight fatigue, maybe popping over- the-counter sleep aids to help you "sleep faster," and feeling unpleasantly chubby.
Losing It

You're definitely tired, visibly plump (or alarmingly preskeletal), and perpetually grumpy. You lie awake nights, thoughts racing, longing for sleep. At work and at home, you've developed a charming habit of biting people's heads off.
Hitting the Wall

You're racked by aches and pains, gaining (or losing) weight, prone to temper tantrums or crying jags, hard-pressed to remember things like computer passwords or your children's names.
Burned Out

By now you may have a serious illness (heart disease, an autoimmune disorder) or have been in a car accident. To stay marginally functional, you depend on drugs you obtain either from a shrink who innocently believes you're just depressed or from a man you know only as "Viper." Nobody likes you. The silver lining? As Hanley writes, "If you do not die during this stage, there is no place to go but up."
 (copied from Oprah.com)
I've been feeling like things aren't right for awhile now, but couldn't put my finger on it. At work, I'm totally unmotivated. Every day is boring. I can't make myself be friendly to customers or give my staff things to do. I've gained 7 lbs in the last 6 months- I found out at the doctor and almost barfed in his face. That's a lot of pounds for me.

I freak out at the smallest thing. The other night, we went to watch the last Rangers game with friends and I pouted the entire time because: I was hungry, had a headache, the bar was loud and smoky, the waitress had her boobs/butt hanging out in a halloween costume, the food was greasy, the people were annoying, and I was tired. And cold. And we went to the wrong place first, parking was stressful, driving was stressful, and we were the last ones to get there. And I was hungry. Maybe I should have stayed home?

I can't remember customers' names who come into the store every day. I've been clumsy- hitting my head on shelves, cutting my fingers, bumping into things. My Dr Pepper intake is very high. So is my craving for pasta and fatty food. All of this sounds horrible, but it's something I've noticed creeping up for several months.

Today, I made a deal with Bean that I get to sleep in as late as I want- he had to get up with Brooklyn and take her into the living room when she starts getting crazy. Last night he decided to sleep on the couch and give me the bedroom to sleep as long as possible. He went above and beyond, and it worked. I slept non-stop until 7:45. That's VERY late for me. But I feel like I could go to sleep for 3 more hours.

Earlier this week I had 2 weekdays off in a row, which was absolutely glorious! I slept in a little later than normal each day, and relaxed, and took care of some things I needed to do (defensive driving, putting all my CDs on iTunes), and even did an impromptu craft project. Maybe I need a full week of relaxation like that. It's not coming up anytime soon, maybe the holidays? But then there's the stress of gifts and travel. I want to work out, I want to eat healthy, read a book. Watch less TV, drink less wine, stop eating fast food.

I just don't understand how to make the changes I need to make. I still have to work 48 hours each week. Thankfully, my social calendar is always busy. I wonder what Bean would say if I told him I was going away for the weekend by myself. Somewhere with nature, warm weather, healthy food and a few good books.

Of course the next weekend available for such a selfish indulgence is in January.
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