May 26, 2014

BBB2: Baby Buck Bell 2!

4/2/14

Well Hello Blueberry Buck Bell!

The best part about you is that nobody is expecting you! We are so excited that you are here and growing, and we know that your big sister will be really excited to teach you everything she knows.

We found out we are expecting baby #2 a little over a week ago. We are surprised and excited, and in shock that this happened with only one 'non trying/non preventing' occasion. And during the first post-baby cycle! The kids will be 19 months apart, which I've heard is a good age for them to be friends when they are older. And although everyone says it's 'so' hard to have young kids in succession, I'm not really one to shy away from something because someone says it's hard (see labor post).

We were planning to start trying after Abigail's first birthday, but we are both fine with it happening without us specifically trying. I knew I wouldn't be able to get pregnant unless the following things had happened:

1. Back to normal as far as getting enough sleep, which means hormones calmed down and Bean and I were able to connect as regular people again- as in, having conversations

2. Having fun with Abby, not being in the first 6 months of her being frustrated with her new world

3. Felt peace with my life, my past, Liz, and the course of my life still to come that I don't know. This was the big one. I knew I wouldn't get pregnant unless I had worked out and felt good about Bud being gone physically.

We visited Houston recently and on Sunday night I went to my friend Lauren's church, where her husband is an associate pastor. It happened to be his night to speak and while some of the language was different from what I was expecting, the message really hit home. I found myself starting to tear up at one point and had to talk myself out of it! It was like I saw everything clearly.

The specific example was that I'd been in a fog with Liz, I couldn't make sense of it, even with counseling. And then all of a sudden one day I realized I was happy and happy for her. I didn't know what had changed, other than I wasn't trying so hard to 'figure it out'. Around the same time Lauren told me she and her small group had prayed for me. Generally I brush those things off as a nice gesture, but sitting in that church it made sense. She prayed that I would find peace and I did. And standing in that church I just had a feeling I was pregnant (I knew my cycle was running rather long, but I'd taken a test that came back negative before I went to Houston). Both of those things were what got my eyes burning. It was so nice to know that I don't have to control everything, just enjoy the ride.

If this baby's spark did start when I think it did, it was 3 days after the one year anniversary of Bud's passing. That's a pretty interesting sign there.

So all that to say, BBB2, you are being good to your mama. All I feel is tired, no nausea or food aversions (knock on wood!), which means I can eat healthy for you. I'll have to wait a few weeks until I start guessing your gender but I have an idea for now. You are making my skin look great! And I'm so happy to be with you and your silly sister.

I can't wait for the fun announcements! Like I said, nobody is expecting this, so nobody is asking, and since I'm still feeling good, it's a really fun secret to have! We are telling the grandparents this Friday (don't worry, I'll write a post about it), and then after Abby's birthday and our first appointment, we are announcing to family and friends and then at some point on the ole Facebook. All of this, and we get to go to Myrtle Beach at the end of the month?

We are one lucky family.

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