36 Weeks...almost 37!

Hi Baby-
I sure can't wait to meet you! We are all set up on weekly appointments from the one we had this morning until you arrive. I can't believe it! We've just been floating along, no stress. I keep forgetting that I will go into labor and need to be strong for that. Hopefully that's a good thing. Don't worry, you have a clean carseat for your first ride home, a clean bassinet to sleep in, and clean clothes and diapers to wear.

I'm starting to feel tired and sometimes irritable with your sister. But its only because she's the main person I'm around all day. I'm sure if I were around other people more they would annoy me too. She keeps saying you are a sister, and our midwife has been calling you a girl the past few appointments too, even though your heart rate is always in the 130's and people have told me I look pretty several times (that never happened when I was pregnant with your sister). I do have zits though and always want sweets. I need to do the baking soda test so we can see if that's right!

We are working our way through my page-long to do list for before your arrival. I also have an urge to clean all the time but yesterday I vacuumed one bedroom and was achy and irritable until I laid down for a nap several hours later. Looks like I need to start trying to take it easy! I'm currently skipping vacuuming the main living areas and steam mopping the tile floors in favor of writing this while cooking soup from scratch for dinner- that counts as a valid task, right? We will have plenty to freeze!

I know your dad would be excited for you to be a boy, and I would love the challenge of finding cool clothes for you if you are, but I also love the idea that you are a sister. We are tossing around names and are pretty close on both a boy and a girl name, so I think that adds to my feeling ambiguous on what I really think you are. With your sister we could never agree on a boy name but had 2 girl names ready to go!

I had an emotional week around the 34 week mark. I think I had some repressed emotions related to your Aunt Liz that I hadn't fully faced and remembering what I was like the last time I was 34 weeks pregnant- extremely swollen head to toe, quite a bit more weight gained, and standing up in front of a crowd speaking at her funeral- just brought the sadness back in a way I hadn't anticipated. I knew I would acknowledge it, but I didn't know it would affect me on such a visceral level for a week in advance, culminating on the day before I turned 34 weeks with a long emotional outburst. It's embarrassing to admit it but it's the truth. I started feeling better the next day after I let myself feel it all and just walked through it.

I think that's why I keep forgetting I will go into labor. Last time I was this pregnant I laid on the couch all day long, with the TV on, in a daze, not watching, but not sleeping, or looking around, like a zombie. This time around I'm doing all of the usual things and feeling healthy, just more tired. I'll keep reminding myself that feeling healthy is good and that I will still go into labor even if I'm not feeling super terrible in the month and a half leading up to it.

Moments that are calm, where we are just enjoying ourselves are the moments I try to soak up as much as possible. We are about to have a new life with you and I'm excited about it, but it's unknown right now.

This past week I helped host a baby shower for your Aunt Maggie and a couple of hours later went to a funeral house party for your Aunt Rachel's dad. Life and Death just go together.

We've been listening to a lot of Macklemore, and you seem to like the song 'Kevin' and your sister laughs at a couple of parts in different songs.

I am looking forward to being able to move around more easily and pick things up off the floor. Which also means I will get to see your sweet face!

Until then, here are a few more of our family pictures that I love. It's hard to choose just a few!