The one thing I knew by the time I reached the 3rd Trimester was that my belly was huge. I measured 1-2 weeks ahead most of that time. We hired a doula and she reassured me that there wasn't much chance of twins at this stage since we already had an ultrasound, and that even if the baby was bigger than my two previous, my body wouldn't make a baby it couldn't get out- that's just how it is. Maybe I had a bigger placenta or more fluid- don't worry!
After Francie's quick birth I knew that no matter what, if I ever got pregnant again, I would use a doula. I knew that I wanted to allow my body to do what it does without any pressure, and I'm so glad I found Delilah. She was easy to talk to- we took a walk and she asked all the right questions, and she took my lead on when we stopped walking and deep down I realize that was a way to make me feel comfortable that she would allow me to do what I needed but just be there to support me.
I don't remember what I did for my birthday in September, but what I do know for sure is this baby was made of hot dogs from Five Guys, french fries, and Whataburger. We had that deliciousness at least once a week during movie night or on a Saturday. Also chocolate- lots and lots of chocolate and smoothie bowls.
Our family loves dressing up for Halloween and we usually begin discussing next year's costumes the day after trick or treating each year. With the pregnancy I knew I wanted to play it up since it would be my only opportunity to have a real live giant belly available. My favorite option was the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, but nobody else wanted to dress up as various characters from that movie.
We settled on Winnie the Pooh, seeing as how Winnie was a name that the girls and I loved for a girl. I knew we wouldn't end up with that name because Josephine Collins had too many layers of meaning for us, and we couldn't think of a long version that we liked with Winnie as a nickname.
So I dressed up as Winnie the Pooh, Abby was Piglet, Francie was little Roo, and Bean was Eeyore. We made our own costumes out of regular clothes and it was the easiest homemade costume set we ever did. I especially loved Bean's hoodie with Eeyore hair sewed on and that iconic tail with the giant pink bow.
At this point we were still doing virtual school for Abby, but Francie was back in person, with temperature checks for everyone, hand sanitizer, masks all day, and smaller class sizes. It was nerve-wracking sending her back when I was still so high risk but seeing the change in her demeanor made it all worth it and after a few weeks I relaxed.
This whole time we had only seen Bean's parents in person maybe twice. The first time I was so nervous I insisted that we eat outside. The second time we ate inside but I was a ball of nerves the entire time.
It's interesting living with anxiety and noticing when it is stronger and when it fades. I didn't know that it was anxiety until recently- I just thought that's who I was. Now I know that anxiety is not who I am, but I am sensitive and it alerts me to watch out- and I can tell it that I'm ok and I've got this, whatever the situation might be.
As time went on and I still didn't know anyone personally who got Covid (other than a friend in Houston), I was able to take a step back from all the worries and look at it logically. If I wash my hands and wear my mask, plus don't go into crowded spaces where someone might cough or sneeze on me, there's a low risk of picking it up. Everyone has been so cautious that my overactive brain can relax a little bit. I can choose what risky activities are worth it.
My friend Maggie went to a family wedding- she lives out in the country where they had maybe 1 case for the whole county- and even though she stayed off the dance floor and away from most people, she still came down with a moderate case of Covid. She was at home and her doctor had her stay in her bedroom away from her kids for 10 days. And then her husband caught it and thankfully his case was mild as well. That felt like a shock to the system. I would have likely made the decision to go to the wedding, taking the risks into account, just like she did.
She said nobody was wearing masks and everyone was crowded on the dance floor and they traced it back to a distant aunt that was waiting on test results but didn't have symptoms.
The hardest thing about pregnancy during a pandemic was not seeing my parents and having all of the lifelines removed. Not seeing friends as frequently, not doing my regular gym routine, et cetera.
About a week before the baby arrived, we had a fancy dinner on a patio to celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary. We made a big deal out of it and we all dressed up and planned it all out. Of course we took a quick picture and of course it’s terrible! That always seems to happen with our anniversary dinner photos.
The only piece of clothing that fit me at the very end (ironically) was my 5th grade basketball shirt. Why a 5th grader would wear and adult L is beyond me.
On November 20th, Bean asked me to go back into the bedroom for a minute where he told me that he had just gotten off the phone with my Dad where he learned that my Aunt Judy had died a few hours ago. My immediate reaction was to sob. And then I was grateful she wasn’t suffering anymore.
She had been in an assisted care home for a year or so and Francie and I made weekly visits all last year as part of me finishing a work duty and dropping off invoices. It was only a few minutes farther to visit her so we would grab lunch and go say hi. The last time we saw her was in February.
We had mailed her a card saying “surprise, I’m pregnant!” and later sent a huge care package but of course we never heard back. I miss her so much.
Thanksgiving was different this year. It was my due date and I was wanting to lay low and just wait on the baby to come. It was so uncomfortable there at the end and I was having random tightening. My mom had flown in and she and I took long walks every day to try and encourage baby to come.
We had some sides prepared and frozen, Bean smoked a turkey that he got for free from one of his vendors, and we felt guilty for staying home instead of going to his parents house. I knew deep down that with all the pressure around the holiday and me not wanting to disrupt the midwives day, that I would likely wait until the day after.
And wouldn’t you know, that’s exactly what happened.
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