5 down, 2 to go...

Lauren and Dan were married this past Saturday. She was a stunning bride and he was such a handsome groom. My favorite picture of their wedding is of their kiss:



It's perfect- the angle of their faces, their hands, the bend in her arm. The recessional song was called 'Perfect' and they played it at the rehearsal dinner in a slide show of pictures of them. It was a very sweet song. I'm going to pretend it's 'their' song, although since there was no dancing at the reception, I cannot confirm that it is indeed 'their' song.
This was my first experience being in a House Party. I'd heard of it once, when my roommate from college was in one. She had a positive view of being in the House Party, so I was happy to be included in Lauren's. I just wanted to spend the time before her wedding with her, being excited for her, and helping in any way I could.
The first thing I will always remember about this weekend is what an awesome time I had with my girls- the other House Party members. I think we really grew closer this weekend- as much as I felt connected to them before, it was magnified by this experience. The next thing I will remember is just how beautiful and happy Lauren was.

For as long as I can remember she has wanted to be a wife and mother, and I'm so happy her time is here. During the rehearsal dinner, there was a time planned for toasts. Whit did an excellent job as Matron of Honor and all of the groomsman had us laughing. Britt was rather hilarious herself with her 9-month pregnant self mentioning that she didn't have much marriage experience- "I have more than 9-months worth!".

I've thought about it some, and if I had been able to compose myself, I would have told the story of how in middle school, Lauren was the 'mom' of the group. We were called 'The Preps', probably because Lauren herself was a preppy dresser, and loved that style. At one point, I remember her wanting to have shirts and hats designed that said 'The Preps' and almost all of us rejected the idea, only because we didn't know if being a 'Prep' was a good or bad thing. I can say wholeheartedly that at this point in my life, it is a very good thing- to be friends with such a wonderful group of girls.
There is one part of the weekend I need to mention, the only part that really hurt my heart. Since our first wedding as a group- when Whit got married in 2005, whether we were bridesmaids or not (in that case, Britt and I were not), we all took a group picture at the reception- just a casual group photo, with our arms around each other, excited for our friend's new chapter in her life. I have one at Whit's wedding in 2005, Britt's wedding in 2006, my wedding in 2007, and Rachel's wedding in 2008. I was so excited to have Lauren's in 2009 because I recently started converting these pictures to sepia tone and hanging a 5x7 of them in my living room along with pictures of Bean and I. I realized as we were walking out to send the newlyweds off that I hadn't spoken to Lauren at her reception, and we hadn't taken our group picture. At that point, there was no way to go back and make it happen.
I'd spent the better part of the reception cutting the Groom's cake- a task I was happy to take on, until I realized it felt exactly like work. I get stressed when there are people around me, waiting for me to get something ready for them (like mix their paint, or cut their cake). I have had panic attacks at work from that exact feeling, and I have had nightmares at night about customers watching me, waiting for me to hurry up and finish the task. When all the guests were swirling around me at the reception, I couldn't help but feel those familiar stressful pangs. I was mad at myself for letting them get to me, and hurt that I let them get in the way of being a gracious and happy House Party member.
All in all, I think this weekend crystallized some things that may have been brewing within our group for months or years now. I'm sure that we will be able to work through any hurt feelings and figure how how we will move forward with our friendships from here, but I'm nervous about the conversations that will happen to get there. All I know is that aside from my husband, these girls are the most important people to me- we have been through so much together- and they mean everything to me. And now I'm crying. Excellent.