Happy 27th.

Several weeks ago, we had a work event for the Women in Leadership group in my company. The topic was 'The event in life that got me where I am today' along with 'The best advice I ever got'. I volunteered to speak at the luncheon and I knew I wanted to tell the women of my company about Donna. I was really nervous to open up about it- thus far, it's much easier to protect my heart and not get too close to people who might hurt me.

I've had experiences with people I wanted to be close with treating my family poorly, and since that stemmed from a coworker situation, I've found it easier to keep a wall up with my coworkers. Something was urging me to share my story-her story-and see if my coworkers were worth my time. So here's what I said.

June 15th, 2007 was a Friday. I was working one of my first open to close shifts at the Flower Mound store. We were slammed, running around helping customers and answering phones. I was holding down the tint machine making a couple of orders and I heard my cell phone ring around 9am. I thought it was strange because I wasn't expecting a call at that time of day.

As soon as I saw the name I knew.

It was my friend Whitney calling to tell me one of my best friends had died.

Donna was 22 years old, a readhead who preferred glasses, and one of my top 3 friends. Usually when I say I have a friend that's died, people brush it off because she's not a family member, and lots of people have a friend who died. I usually leave it at that. They don't need the whole story.

We met in Kindergarten. We were in the same class as our friend Liz, and the three of us lived in the same neighborhood; our parents still do. In Elementary school we were in Girl Scouts together. One time we taught our troop about personal hygiene, which is funny because she was known to wear the same jeans for months at a time!

In Middle School, we were in a play together and we both got exactly one line. Hers was so funny the audience missed mine through their laughter.

In High School the three of us did Tae Bo after school and made muffins to snack on afterward. So healthy! We had a group of friends that all went to different colleges but we stayed in touch through email. I visited her at UT and like any normal college kid, tried to get her to dance at a club. It didn't go very well.

She always mailed my birthday cards at least a week late. She loved the Smashing Pumkins, lectured me on wasting water, and was obsessed with oreos. She recycled before it was cool and wore those natural shirts with tigers on them that benefit rainforest conservation. She drove with her left foot, shoe off. She said she wanted a rug made of reycled plastic bottles. I thought that was strange.

Growing up, whenever I felt weird, I knew she was weirder- and didn't care! She was there for everything. We couldn't wait to get out of High School- we knew those were NOT the best days of our lives.

She was nice to everyone. How is it possible to be nice to everyone?! We used to giggle nonstop at sleepovers and kept everyone up. Her laugh would make me laugh, and we'd laugh at our laughter. She said she didn't want to get old.

My boyfriend proposed on my 23rd birthday, and she was one of the first people I called. I asked her to be a bridesmaid and was thrilled when she accepted. I graduated in December, proudly displaying my engagement ring in my pictures. Donna and Liz came up for my party and we celebrated all night.

The next morning, she pulled me aside and said she really liked Bean and she was so glad I was going to marry him. Have I mentioned she was basically against the institution of marriage?

After Graduation, I had no idea what I wanted to do, so I took a week off and went to London and Paris. I had been working part time at Flower Mound, and I knew I didn't want to quit, but I had a Journalism degree- what was the right path? I was thinking about the MTP program, but wanted to 'see the world' first.

We landed at DFW after a week abroad. When I turned my phone back on, I had a message from Liz asking if I was going to the hospital to see Donna, and a message from my friend Whitney asking me to call her. I called Bean, and the first words out of my mouth were, "What's wrong with Donna?"

Huge Sigh.

"She has cancer."
"I've got a bag packed and we're driving to Houston tonight."

I have no words to describe how I felt: frantic? trapped? crazed? shocked? I needed OFF that plane.

I called Whitney, and she gave me the details. She was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer. There is no stage 5.

She was in the hospital and they were trying to figure out the best course of action. All of the girls would be there. Bean found out a few days prior, but didn't want to ruin my trip by telling me. He called my managers and asked for the weekend off. We drove all night and arrived at 3am. By that point I had been awake for almost 24 hours. We went to the hospital and kept our hopes up.

I went to visit when I could. Meanwhile, I started the MTP program at Grapevine in May. I regret not taking more time off but I was building my career. I was placed at Flower Mound after 4 weeks. I was thankful to be at a familiar place, but how could I lead my peers and friends when they knew about Donna's illness?

We tried on Bridesmaid dresses. She had a needle in her arm covered with a bandage. The sales lady asked what it was for. "It's for medicine. I have cancer." We laughed at how blunt she was an how the lady reacted.

She got really skinny. I asked if we should order a larger size for when she gained weight again and she said she planned to keep the weight off. We'd started having an annual Girls Weekend- the 2nd weekend in June- no questions asked. That year we decided to surprise Donna 2 weeks early.

We made shirts that said 'Team Donna- Fighting Cancer Best Friend Style'. We gave each other these friendship rings. I braided her hair. The nurses scolded us for laughing, and we played her favorite game- Catch Phrase.

Then Donna got us all in the room and told us she was going to miss us. The weight of it was unbearable.

*This is where I had a long pause, and a long swallow. But I didn't cry. I can't say my voice didn't crack several times while remembering all of this.

Two weeks later, on the 2nd weekend in June I had my car packed up for our 'real' Girls Weekend. I couldn't wait to see Donna and our friends again. That's the day I got the call. Just 3 months after her diagnosis, she died.

I couldn't function at the store, so my manager came in on his day off. I got a flight and was in Houston by noon. The next day was her viewing, and the day after that was the funeral. So much for a fun Girls Weekend!

For months I cried the entire 45 minute drive home. I was still planning my wedding and trying to learn my new job responsibilities. I put on a smile at the store but was a mess outside of it. I couldn't believe my wedding would be the first one without her.

Losing a friend I'd had for so long changed everything for me. Donna taught me that no matter what you are doing, you are making an impact.

She couldn't wait to quit her teaching job but, meeting her students at the funeral showed me she made a difference to those kids, even when she wasn't trying.

I hope what you all realize is we all make an impact every day. Don't underestimate the power of your words or actions.

I learned that all it takes to be a good friend is effort. Send a card. Go to lunch. Pick up the phone.

Your health comes first- if something feels wrong, get it checked out. She was in pain for months- when she finally went to a doctor and he found something suspicious, she wouldn't go back. When she finally did, it was too late. Don't be stubborn with your health!

Thanks for letting me tell you about Donna today. I hope my story shows you that life is about who you love and how you spend time with them. To wrap up, I wanted to share the best advice I ever got from my dad:

If you laugh at yourself first, then nobody can laugh at you, they can only laugh with you. Maybe you can keep your friends up all night laughing uncontrollably with you.

The end.

I got a few people to cry, which means it meant something to them. That's all I could ask for. The response was great, and although I know I don't have tons of new best friends from the experience, sometimes opening yourself up is a good thing.

Happy 27th birthday to my good friend. I'm having black tie mousse cake tonight.