Gratitude

A couple of weeks ago, we decided to check out a local International Festival. Bean was not very excited, Abby didn't get a choice, and I was pumped. It was pretty hectic trying to find parking, and once we did we had to walk quite a ways to get to the festival, but Abby got to ride on Bean's shoulders and it worked out just fine. The festival was free, there were lots of vendors, and we just camped out for a little while in front of the stage to watch the different dances. Abby sat in a fire truck. The weather was perfect- not too hot or cold, blue skies. I was prepared with snacks for her. It was so relaxing that I started to reflect on how thankful I am to be in this life. 

This life, that nobody gets to live but me. It's amazing. When things are just hard for such a long time, it's so easy to lose sight of the good things. Going from zero kids to one spirited little lady made me think that being a mom is always hard, always stressful, and always something to worry about. I'm working on being kinder to myself, but in the beginning it was just another easy thing to beat myself up over. "You didn't refill the diaper bag. You didn't think to pack a snack and a drink for this 15 minute trip out of the house. You didn't plan your time perfectly to be home before she needs to nurse." Et cetera. 

Standing on the street corner, waiting for the light to change, I looked up at Abby sitting on her Dad's shoulders. She was smiling and trying to direct his head which way to turn, and grabbing for his eyes, saying "eyes. eyes. eyes." And it was just so easy to be happy. We had nothing to worry about. She could eat food from the festival if she got hungry. We didn't have to lug a stroller around. She had fun. I chose to savor the moment and bring it up in my mind anytime I want.

Sure, there are things I could choose to focus on that are not the best. I'm not 39 1/2 weeks pregnant right now, and I will not have two kids at Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. But that's less to juggle, less to shop for, and more time spent with the family that we do have. She makes me laugh every day. We have a great routine going with school, music class, and storytime at the library. I have time and space to myself. I'm making progress on the hallway project, which feels amazing. I get plenty of sleep. 

I'm on a low-FODMAP diet, prescribed by my GI doctor and it's extremely frustrating. It's basically dairy free, gluten free, and no onions or garlic, plus a laundry list of other foods that make no sense. Avocado is the hardest. Yesterday I made risotto and everything I wanted to put in it was against my diet: garlic, onions, asparagus, peas, leeks, mushrooms. But I'm allowed to eat tortilla chips and fritos. Annoying, right? 

But- my stomach issues have calmed down, and I'm getting the hang of it. I'm adding in foods and testing their reaction, and while I know it is probably a stress related thing, it feels good to know I'm taking care of myself. We've been going on 2.5 mile walks to a park several times a week. And now that Abby is awake- it's a rare day that she sleeps later than me- she's calling my name. When I go in there, she will laugh and start throwing her body around in her crib, giggling at how funny she is. Then she will click her tongue at me, a throwback to when she couldn't talk at all, her signal for 'I'm hungry'. And a new day begins. I'm so thankful.