9 weeks (?!)

January 7, 2015

Babies C and/or D:

We have no idea what is happening.

The brown spotting disappeared, but a few days ago, on a Sunday night, I noticed clear mucus with a couple of 'grains' of bright red- about the size of a grain of rice, and just a few of them, no more than 5 'grains'. I told Bean I didn't think this was going to work out. I called Kathleen, left a message, and she called back immediately. She asked questions about what supplements/vitamins I'm taking, told me to double the folate, and to come into the office in the morning for follow up bloodwork and an ultrasound.

I went in at 9am on Monday, and was so embarrassed because we spoke with a new midwife- Anna- who had to try 3 times! to get my blood to come. 3 different veins, 3 pokes, some needle jiggling, and a break for my nausea and more fluids. Then I had to pee in a cup and obviously couldn't do a good job there either since apparently I was very dehydrated.

We scheduled the ultrasound later in the day so it would be easier on Bean's work schedule so he could take care of Abby while I was being probed. The tech was nice, she seemed new and inexperienced, but she did all the normal things. First the abdominal, then the transvaginal. She probed me for like 30 minutes. She kept commenting on how my ovaries were 'hiding'. We didn't see or hear anything, but we did joke with her about twins because I had been having thoughts about it a lot, and Bean asked her to give him the low down in between the two exams while I was getting ready. I still hoped to get some information, but I knew we probably wouldn't.

Today, 3 days later, I got a text from Kathleen asking me to call. I called back immediately. She said they found 2 gestational sacs, one with a fetal pole and no heartbeat, and one empty. The one with the pole measured 7-8 weeks, according to dates I should be about 9 weeks. That doesn't bother me as much as the one not having a heartbeat. She said that my labs came back great, but that my thyroid was a little off. She changed the dosage for me, and asked me to go in for more labwork. Luckily I used the LabCorp office, where they are very experienced, and I drank a ton of water/lemonade beforehand, so it was easy.

So now, we wait. And speculate. And worry, and cry, and think positively, and come up with a game plan either way. When we lost Baby B, I had no game plan because I was so scared it would actually happen. Now that I know what it's like, I want a different outcome.

We are scheduled for another ultrasound Monday, followed immediately by an office visit, and I want to find at least one heartbeat, with the empty sac maybe showing a fetal pole. I want the story to be that my body needed to figure out there are two in there and needed a push to get going. I want to be asked back for another ultrasound a week later, and have really good news that time. And then I want to have an uneventful, happy pregnancy moving forward. I'll have a backup plan in case that doesn't work out, but I plan to focus on the positives of what can happen.

Kathleen's exact phrase was: "I can't say that it's not a viable pregnancy, but I can't say that it is, either."

So we will wait and hope.