32 Weeks

I don't even know where to start!

First of all, I really need a nap. Both of my sleeps today have been interrupted by your sweet sister.

I can't believe we are (hopefully) less than 8 weeks away from meeting you. Your nursery is filled with random items. It needs to be touched up, have the crib put together, and toys organized. Your sister's room still needs curtains which I have very lazily ordered samples for but that's all. The guest room needs blinds and art hung on the wall. The hallway needs to be painted. And we started cleaning out the garage- which means throwing out stuff and also putting in new shelving and organization. 

We need to wash your carseat, set up the bassinet, and make freezer meals. We need to fertilize the yard. We need to make a plan for what happens with your sister when you are ready to come. We need to maybe take a refresher course in birthing (your dad wants one). We need to think of a name for you!

All of this and we are not stressed at all. This weekend marks the first empty weekend we've had in months- and they are all empty until you arrive! We don't want to plan anything, we don't want to have to be anywhere. We want to hang out as a family and relax and do projects and do something fun and relaxing and spontaneous- that we choose!

I've been so bogged down with appointments. During sister's 10 hours at school each week, 2 hours goes to yoga, 1.5 hours goes to a massage, and about 6 hours goes to work. It's all great, but I would love some free time! I'm trying to use up my massages so we can cancel the membership. I'm about to start going weekly just to try and use up more of them before you get here because I know it will be awhile after. I haven't even started going to the chiropractor. Next week I see the midwife, then two weeks later I see her again, and then two weeks after that I start weekly appointments until you arrive. Already!!

Every afternoon, sister watches TV while I lay on the couch. Especially on days like today where I wake up tired in the morning. On days like yesterday, where I have some energy, I do a couple of chores to break up the rest time. The house is staying clean, the laundry is done, and I'm hopeless with dinner. If I made what I want to eat, nobody else would eat it, and I don't want to waste my time and have to listen to complaining from a very strong little lady that lives here. 

I have loved almost every moment of having you with me. Of course it was stressful in the beginning, but as that melted away, I've been so grateful- and feeling so good- that I'm just so glad I get to go through this process with you. I can't wait to see your face and hold you in my arms and give you a name. I can't wait to experience your birth. How lucky am I that I get to birth you? 

Today I was driving and listening to some music and I thought of your Aunt Donna and for the first time in a long time, I really missed her. Several years ago, I came to peace with her death and was truly happy for her to be relieved of her pain. I knew she was doing well because of a dream I had while we were in Peru. 

Today, I wanted to call and tell her about the music I was listening to because she would understand why I was getting goosebumps while listening to something meaningful. She was seriously the coolest person I've known. Your due date is one day after the 9th anniversary of her death. I wonder who she would be today. She never wanted to grow old, she didn't want to get married, and she never did either of those things. 

It's kind of like wondering who you will be. 

There are endless possibilities. None of it has anything to do with your gender or how you look, but what you love. Watching you grow will be the icing on this cake. 

You keep making me want to eat chocolate chip cookies. Basically every time I see one, I want to eat it. I'm starting to have a hard time getting out of bed, so I'm doing the big roll to get up. No swelling yet which is a definite improvement over my pregnancy with your sister. I'm approaching the 34 week mark, which is how pregnant I was when your Aunt Liz died so I'm apprehensive about that. Also 36 weeks because of what happened to her. I have so many questions to ask her about how she was feeling, so I can convince myself nothing will happen to me. I don't think it will, but it has crossed my mind. 

I still think maternity clothes are ugly. I only wear tank tops with a regular sweater and jeans. The jeans are maternity, the tank tops are sometimes, and the sweaters are not. I have a pair of jean shorts to put in rotation, but first I have to figure out how to shave!

I can't wait to eat ceviche with a cold glass of wine. I'm also looking forward to a good margarita and a strawberry martini from Cheesecake Factory. 

And holding you. And nursing you. And snuggling you. And soaking it all in. 

The newborn stage may not be easy, but I can't imagine it being any harder than it was with your sister. At least I know what to expect. 

Four years ago, I never imagined my life could be this sweet. They've been the hardest and saddest years and also the most awe inspiring. Just beautiful.