Dreams

I was reading back on some old posts from about a year ago, and one of them mentioned that I had a dream about my wedding dress and the lace and how I wanted to wear it again. Recently I had two more dreams worth mentioning.

In the first one, I was pregnant, and loving it! I kept rubbing my belly (it was small, like only a few months along), hoping people would notice it. I thought they wouldn't because I was still wearing my normal clothes. I also thought that I should rest my hands beneath my belly, like I'm holding it up- all pregnant women do this, it's how you know they are really pregnant and don't just have a big tummy. In the dream, Brittney, who was also pregnant and about to pop, said to me, "We do that because you can feel the heartbeat down there". HAHA! And my final thought in the dream was, 'I should go to the doctor and have my blood tested just so he will also know that I'm pregnant'.

Then last night, I dreamed that I was passed out or drugged up and gave birth. I didn't remember any of it, then parts of it came to me, that I was curled up on my side and there was something propping my legs open so I could deliver; and then the people taking the baby away. And I was left all alone with this baby and I was sad that I didn't remember giving birth and wondered if it was real.

I'm still very very not ready for a baby. I don't want to give up dinners that cost $120, happy hour with friends anytime I want, quiet evenings at home alone, sleep, my body (it's not perfect yet!), vacations anywhere and anytime, or free time. I'm still too selfish to raise a child. But I sure can't wait until I am ready.