6-7 Weeks

Christmas Day 2014

Baby C,
You sure did listen to your mom, which is great. The nausea is definitely here day and night, with random times where it eases up and I feel normal. You've also brought extreme mood swings.

Unfortunately, the cat is out of the bag. We felt we had to tell our immediate family about you over this holiday for very dramatic and unnecessary reasons. I'm very disappointed. As much as I'd like to, I won't get into the details here, even though I would feel justified. (Remember that Hemingway quote, "Write clear and hard about what hurts"?)

We had a situation at our family Christmas dinner that was unnecessary, drama filled, and directed at me and your dad. We left a little early to get your sister home for bed and when I went to the bathroom, I was shocked to find a nickel sized blood clot. I immediately freaked out, ran into the bathroom to tell your dad, and then ran out and called my mom who was still at dinner.

When I said, "Mom, I'm pregnant and I'm bleeding" in between sobs- she was so shocked she made me repeat myself, tell her I was 7 weeks, and ask what she could do to help. I knew I needed to lie down and get some sleep. She came over and talked to me calmly until I cooled down, and we talked through the options: rest at home and wait to see or go to the ER immediately. I had the same sense that I had when I was pregnant with your sister- that it was scary but definitely different than when I lost Baby B.

Mom coming over stirred the pot from dinner even more and I barely slept. We got up this morning, packed our bags and came home. I had some cramping this morning (probably from stressing out and wanting to be anywhere but there), but I feel ok now. The brown spotting has slowed significantly.

All of this happened after we had a week of Abigail fighting some illness, then I caught it on Thursday. We left for Houston on Friday and I was pretty sick (plus nauseous and exhausted) all weekend. I started feeling a little better, but still needed to catch up on all the sleep from being pregnant and needing an extra 2 hour nap a day, plus the two weeks prior lost sleep from insomnia and illness.

So this holiday season has not been the greatest, but it's better than the Christmas when I worked on Christmas Eve with the flu (your dad had it too) and we laid on the couch all night just so sick! Here's hoping we get to feeling better soon- I can handle the nausea and exhaustion without the illness on top of it!

Tomorrow, we will tell Bean's parents and I know they will be so excited, so we have at least one positive story out of the announcing this time. We still don't want to talk about it though, so it's hard to deal with knowing that other people know and are worrying, when we are trying to look on the bright side. And then having to answer questions. Having to answer on how I am doing, and how we are feeling, and what did Kathleen say? More than anything we wanted this to be a happy thing and it just doesn't feel that way anymore.