Cautiously Optimistic

December 7th, 2014

This picture was taken Friday, December 5th, 2014. 

After the extremely faint 'maybe' positive from Wednesday, I called my midwife immediately. The only reason I took the test on Wednesday was so that I would be able to get in touch with the office (they are usually closed on Fridays). For some reason I have an intense need to control this situation, to prevent it somehow from turning out the way Baby B did. I know rationally I can't. And I'm not going overboard, but I can relax and let it flow if I know I've already done everything I can. 

When I was hanging up the phone, she told me 'congrats!' and I said thanks, but I'm only cautiously optimistic until I get a little farther and it seems like it will work out.

Since the holidays are right around the corner, they are obviously trying to fit in all of their regular appointments, plus births, etc. But they also want to make sure we are dotting our eyes and crossing our T's with every new situation. So they sent me to a lab for bloodwork to check for several different things: my thyroid levels, to confirm a pregnancy, progesterone levels, a panel of all pregnancy hormones, and a couple of other things. 5 vials in all! 

I got that taken care of on Thursday, and they won't get the results back until Monday afternoon. So I'm not worrying until Tuesday, when I will call to make sure they got the results. After that, it's up to my midwife to tell me if we need to change my thyroid dosage or add progesterone. 

I had one test left in my 3-pack, so Bean suggested I take it on Friday morning, so we would know how we need to be thinking about this. And this is what I got!

Maybe I'm trying to guard my heart a little bit right now, but I'm not super excited. It's really easy to NOT spill the beans with this one, even though I've talked to a couple of close friends in depth after this happened. I don't think I'll believe it's true until I hear a heartbeat- because I never got to hear Baby B's heartbeat. Then I hear myself saying that this is not even real yet because I think that the bundle of cells isn't a baby until there's a heartbeat, and that's when the soul comes to be with me.

I couldn't help myself, after I got this positive test, I did let a little hope creep in and I looked up my due date: August 12, 2015. That puts me at 4 weeks, 3 days with this last test. I've never had a positive test this early, it's been at least 5 weeks, and with Abigail, I think it was 6 weeks!

All I can do now is relax, take it one step at a time, take my vitamins every day and see what happens. I still tease Bean about twins but he still doesn't think it's funny.