Francie Rose Birth Story

Nine days ago we welcomed our second baby girl into the world! We are enamored with her.

The last couple of weeks before the birth were pretty stressful. Big sister was testing her limits on just about everything and I was feeling very tired and irritable. 

I had my 39 week appointment on a Monday; I was actually 39+2 and hoping to birth within that week. Every date that week was a palindrome which I remember learning about in 4th grade and loving ever since. That week also had the anniversary of Donna's death and Father's Day.

Kathleen checked me and I was 1-2" dilated and 80% effaced, baby was at a -1 station. A little progress but not much. She mentioned that baby was posterior (face up) which can make for a longer/more difficult labor. 

That Wednesday (the 9th anniversary of Donna's death, my first choice day to birth if the baby was going to be a girl), I went to my chiropractor for another adjustment to make sure my hips were ready to go. That evening around 8pm I started having some mild-medium contractions that felt like something was in the early stages. My mom and I took a walk around the block and I had to stop a few times because I could tell the baby moved lower. Nothing I could time but I could tell something was starting. I tried to relax and went I bed but couldn't sleep through the contractions. 

My husband leaves for work around 1:30 in the morning and when he woke up I told him what was happening. He left for work and soon after the contractions fizzled out and I fell asleep on the couch. I was disappointed when I woke up and realized nothing was happening anymore.

The next couple of days we just took care of things around the house and on Friday Abby had an epic in-public tantrum that lasted for a full hour and a half and resulted in Abby missing her ballet class and me spanking her in public. It was one of the worst times in my life as a parent.

The next day, Saturday- my due date, I went to yoga. I'd been jumping around doing drop in classes because school was out and I couldn't go to my regular Tuesday middle of the day class. I loved being there and going through the familiar routine. At the end, when Mimi had us tell baby "You are loved, you are wanted, you are safe", I started to cry. 

We wanted this baby so much and we felt really grateful to be pregnant and to have it be so healthy following 2 miscarriages, and with my parenting meltdown the day before I knew that baby was safest in my belly, where I wouldn't make any mistakes. I was also thinking about two friends whose babies were born so early and are (still) currently fighting for their lives. Mimi sat with me and encouraged me to let it all out. 

That evening during a superstitious repeat date night to Buffalo Wild Wings (we ate the same things, played the same trivia game, and discussed baby names again, just like the night before Abby was born), I had another round of mild contractions that fizzled out after about 5 hours. Luckily I was able to get more sleep that time. 

Sunday (Fathers Day- the day I had in my mind as the day baby would arrive), I woke up and had breakfast and decided I would not lay back on the couch all day. I would relax in a backward chair to encourage baby into a good position, I would belly dance, walk, and sit on the exercise ball. 

Bean took Abby to the movies and mom and I went out for a long walk. We stayed out for about an hour and stopped a couple of times to rest. I could tell something was starting again when we got home. I sat in my backward chair and watched Orange is the New Black and relaxed. I called my dad to chat and I think he could tell with my breathing that something was happening. Around lunchtime, I realized that it had fizzled out again. I was starting to think I couldn't trust my body at all. I've always been very in tune with what's happening but with all of the starting and stopping I was starting to lose hope.

Bean and Abby came back and during her nap he and I took a short walk, then a shower, and some quick adult time as a last ditch effort for the day. I was giving up after that- at least for the day! I had an appointment the next day anyway and planned to have my membranes stripped which worked to get Abby to come out.

We had dinner with my in laws and I felt fine. I did notice some spotting/show but assumed it was just from the activity earlier. We came home and put Abby to bed but she continued pushing her limits and was playing in her room instead of sleeping. I laid down to watch another OITNB and noticed 3 mild contractions with a noticeable wave pattern during that hour. 

I was tired so we went to bed around 9pm. I could not get comfortable but thought I was just too tired. Abby finally stopped making noise around 10pm and I realized I was having some pretty strong sensations. I was breathing and humming through them and Bean was snoring next to me. Haha!

At about the same moment that I thought to myself, "This reminds me of my miscarriage" (which I passed naturally at home after 4 hours of labor while my husband and mom slept- I didn't want to wake them because I didn't know how long it would last), I realized I needed to use the restroom. Everything cleared out and I thought, "This reminds me of early labor with Abby."

Bean woke up and I told him we needed to try and time things, just to see. We timed about 3 contractions and I thought I was going to vomit. I was also trembling pretty bad in between. I relaxed my body but couldn't stop shaking. 

He texted my mom and asked her to come downstairs and also texted his mom to drive over and stay with Abby. When we realized the contractions we had timed were 4 minutes apart and about 1 min long I called my midwife, Kathleen. It was 10:30 pm. She told me to wait two hours and call back. As she was saying it I knew I wouldn't make it that long. She had been sleeping because she'd been at two overnight births the past two nights. I'm sure the last thing she wanted was another long night!

I laid back down as my mom and mother in law came into the room, and mom held the trash can and my hair while I vomited. A lot.

She told Bean to call Kathleen back and tell her we were on our way. Did I mention she's a Labor & Delivery nurse? She said she was afraid I would have the baby at home or on the side of the road if we didn't hurry.

We grabbed everything and I walked as fast as I could in between contractions. The drive was calm and everything looked bright. We got to the birth center around 11:15pm.

This was my favorite part: I relaxed in the warm water in the tub, just floating and listening to Leon Bridges. The room was dim with only a couple of lamps on. We heard my favorite song 'Coming Home' and I sang along to another song that uses the word 'Jezebels'. I also used birthing breaths, and I would use my voice along with the wave of the contraction. It felt great.

Kathleen was checking my blood pressure and baby's heartbeat and after awhile she was ready to check my dilation. She said I was 9.5 cm with an anterior lip that she could move out of the way. "You can push if you want!"

Bean says he knew I wouldn't push because I just kept relaxing. This is when things changed, like a switch flipped. 

I know now that I was scared. Pushing scares me- it's the loss of control, the intense pressure that doesn't let up at all, and the intrinsic knowledge that your life is changing completely in that moment. With both births I felt like I was being asked to do something I wasn't ready for. I wanted to feel the sensation of my body instinctively pushing and I wanted to go along with it. I haven't had that instinctive feeling.

So the next events felt like they took a half an hour, and I still feel embarrassed about losing my composure. I felt like a wild animal trying to escape. 

I went from relaxing in the tub, to squatting in the water, to trying to get out of the tub but I couldn't move so I had all 4 people- my husband, midwife, mom, and midwifes assistant physically moving each of my limbs to get me out of the tub. Meanwhile I'm screaming and wailing and saying "I need it to slow down!" 

I asked to lean against the bed while standing- I had imagined myself squatting and holding onto something to push but there wasn't anything to hold onto. My legs were locked, my midwife is trying to make me squat down at least a little bit, and I'm yelling, "I think I'm dying!" And everyone's response is- "no, you're not, it's just a lot of pressure- keep going!" My midwife was using her forearms and body weight to put a lot of pressure on my low back which helped a lot in getting me to focus on something other than the intensity of what was happening.

My water breaks at this point, which felt like a huge release, and I screamed out "We did it!" and everyone says, "That was your water, you are almost done!"

Side note- I have a fantasy of giving birth to a baby en caul (inside the water bag) because it's so rare.

This is the point where mentally and spiritually I crossed a line where I wasn't conscious of what was actually happening. I knew I was pushing and it was so intense and I think this is what people talk about when they say that mothers have to cross over close to the other side to bring a new life into the world.

Then my midwife says, "Reach down and pick up your baby!" 

"What?!" I said.

"Reach down and pick up your baby!"

I looked down between my legs and my baby looked like it was hanging upside down in midair- surely someone was holding it up! So I picked it up and said again, "We did it! We don't even know who this baby is but we did it!" (We were waiting to find out the gender until the birth).

They got me on the bed and covered me and the baby with blankets and I felt so relieved. Bean told me that the entire process from getting me out of the tub until the baby was out was literally 3-5 minutes- he had checked the clock! I was shocked to hear that!

We were ready to see who the baby was, so I lifted it up and the cord was hanging between the legs. Bean moved it out of the way, we all took a minute to process it and he said, "It's a girl!" 

He and I were surprised because this pregnancy had been very different from my first one and I assumed it had to do with baby's gender being different. Plus Chinese Gender Predictor and baby's heart rate both said Boy- and both of those were right in guessing Abby's gender.

I didn't remember the uterine massage from my first birth (ouch), the placenta slid out easily, after the cord stopped pulsing Bean cut it. We took a good look at the placenta this time and it was pretty interesting! Baby was nursing in no time and we spent about 2.5 hours hanging out, nursing, and getting cleaned up. She pooped all over me and we didn't realize it until they went to weigh her and do her measurements. So gross and funny- we even took a picture! (I won't share that one). We got home around 3:30am!

Francine Rose Bell "Francie"

Born 6-20-16 at 12:30am

7lbs 14 oz, 21" long

13.5" head

Almost exactly the same size as big sister- one ounce bigger, one inch longer and head half an inch smaller. No tearing this time! 

I'm still in awe that the whole process was 2 hours from the first call until she was out. I said so many times, "I can't believe we just did this!"

She's named after Beans grandmother (Frances) and the main character in my favorite book A Tree Grows in Brooklyn- Francie. 

And Rose is for my friend Donna who was completely obsessed with the movie Titanic when it came out. We saw it the day it opened (we were in 8th grade); she paid someone a couple hundred dollars to paint a portrait of the ship to hang in her room; and when Titanic came back to the theatres in 3D I went and saw it on Donna's birthday in her honor and realized that she identified with the character of Rose. Bean and I agree that she's one of the coolest people we've ever known.

Around 7am big sister woke up and when she came into our bedroom she saw me nursing baby sister. "Is the baby here?" she asked. I told her yes and said, "Guess what? It's a sister, just like you wanted!" and she was so excited. 

She's done amazing with the transition. She asks to hold sister multiple times a day, and makes comments like, "We are a family!" and "There are four of us. One, two, three, four!" and "We are in love with each other!" 

I'm more relaxed this time around- I know that holding the baby around the clock isn't going to cause any problems and I can start helping her learn to sleep in her bassinet whenever I'm ready. I also trust other people to take care of her (aside from nursing obviously), and I'm not anxiously watching the clock for her next feed. I love the confidence I have as a second time mom, and not having postpartum depression helps a lot.

We will have to see how it goes next week when it's just me at home with my two girls all week!