Thoughts from hy hour drive home...

My drive home from work either involves talking on the phone or thinking, and sometimes crying; always while listening to music. The crying part sounds creepy, but it's usually because a song will remind me of Donna. It's not as bad now, but before the wedding it was at least once a week, if not more; and if not about Donna, it was about the wedding. It's funny how one song lyric can set your thoughts off in a million directions- from, "This reminds me of her" to "I miss her" to "Why is my wedding the first one she'll miss?" Which inevitably sets off a crying jag that lasts until I pull into the driveway. Then I walk in with red, swollen eyes, and S. just looks at me and says, "Is it Donna?" Luckily, all I have to do is nod. He doesn't need to know the details, and he's learned to just give me a hug- instead of staring at me hopelessly like he used to do.

Today I listened to our wedding CD, and I got to thinking about a vow renewal. And I started planning it for November 2012. That will be our 5-year anniversary. I decided that if we can, we'll have it in a backyard at midday. We'll put the chairs in a circle, with two aisles coming from either side. We'll have one song that we'll walk in to simultaneously from the two aisles. Then we'll be in the middle and whomever officiates will say a few words, then maybe we'll say our original vows again, and maybe some other words about the past 5 years. I'll wear a long dress (not sure what color), and I might even be pregnant. I'll carry some simple flowers, maybe ones that we picked up at the grocery store earlier in the day. The important part is expressing our vows.

Then we'll have a party and serve tapas (what we ate the night we got engaged) and have hookahs to smoke (what we did the night we started our 'real' relationship). Or we could just use the hookahs as decoration and have an Indian/Spanish themed party. The only problem I see is getting people to come. I mean, why would they want to come and see us renew our vows? It's got to be boring to everyone except us. At least I have a project to work on for the next 4 years and 9 months.